Dealing with change

Two years ago today, I was told to take my laptop home from the office as it was likely I would be working from home, probably for the rest of the week.

It was early days of the pandemic and Boris Johnson had just closed theatres in his late afternoon press conference. We were less than 90minutes from our show going on stage that evening and there was a flurry of activity as the show got cancelled and the arriving audience was notified.

I left the office with my laptop as instructed and I never went back. At first I worked from home. It was great. I didn’t have a long commute anymore, I could have my lunch in the garden, I got cat cuddles more or less when I wanted and I had longer evenings. Plus, without the distractions of a noisy open plan office, I got way more done.

I’ll be honest, I’m not a fan of change. I like to know what I’m doing, when I’m doing it and what the deadlines are. I find security in the knowing and it was always a battle for me to adjust to anything new. However, I came to realise this too was change and I didn’t mind it so much.

More change came a few weeks later, at Easter, when I was put on furlough. I didn’t think it would be for long – perhaps until June, and I’ll admit, the release I felt from not having to constantly check emails was huge. I enjoyed this change too.

Furlough was extended and continued over the summer but it was autumn when the BIG change came. I knew it was coming, I prepared myself for it, but it was still an unpleasant shock when it came. I was made redundant. The world I had inhabited for the past 12 years was swept away in a simple announcement. This change wasn’t so easy to adjust to and I didn’t like it very much.

After a little time, I began to see this change as an opportunity. I was in a privileged position and could do anything I wanted. When a chance to train as a coach came my way, it felt right. It was a way I could help people as individuals and groups and it fitted with my love of psychology. I’d also be able to meet some like-minded individuals and make new friends. Plus, it had the added advantage of being all online, so wasn’t going to be scuppered by lockdowns.

Throughout my training, I learnt a range of tools, techniques and theories of how I could be the best coach possible for future clients but what I didn’t expect, is that I would also learn a lot about myself. One of the most powerful parts of the course is that we all experienced coaching weekly both inside and outside of lessons and as cliché as it sounds, it was transformational.

One of the things coaching taught me is that I don’t dislike all change. Some change I love. It has also taught me how I can cope better with the change I dislike, that I find uncomfortable. It has helped me challenge the way I think, the beliefs I hold and to test new ideas and ways of thinking in a safe and supported space.

In the past, I’ve always seen change as negative, but coaching has taught me this isn’t the case. Sometimes it’s welcomed, sought out, needed. Other times it’s less welcome, fought against, avoided. Whichever the change we’re facing, we need to adapt.

Change can make us:

• Lose appetite

• Lose sleep

• Ignore boundaries

• Retreat from others

• Feel stressed

• Be snappy and short tempered

• Feel anxious

Change can also make us:

• feel more energetic

• connect with new people

• reducce the fear that was holding us back

• try new things

• have a new sense of self

• be more flexible in thoughts and actions

Whether the change is something we want to happen, or not, it can still be a lot to deal with emotionally, practically, physically. The type of change we’re facing will have a part to play in how to deal with it, but there are some universal ways that can help:

1) Circles of control, influence and concern

Sometimes when going through a change we can feel lost, overwhelmed, that we have no control over anything, or that we should be able to control everything. This exercise can help you gain perspective over where you need to focus your energy and attention.

2) Be prepared for a range of emotions

Both positive and negative emotions will show up and that’s absolutely normal. Allow yourself the time and space to feel these emotions and to process them.

3) Identify what’s important to you

With change come new opportunities and new priorities. What was important to you before may not be so important now. Focusing on your new priorities can help with decision making.

4) Be kind to yourself

Give yourself as much time as possible to look after yourself. If the change is happening quickly, then it may not be much time, but make sure your basic needs are being met - eat and drink a balanced diet, get some sleep.

5) Check in with decisions made

If you can, sleep on any decisions made to make sure you’re still happy with them and that they weren’t a knee-jerk reaction or that you made them because you thought you should. Ask yourself what prompted you to make that choice.

6) Maintain some normalcy

As much as possible keep up with routines. Just because one area of your life is changing, doesn’t mean everything has to change.

7) Talk to someone

There is no need for you to have to navigate the change all by yourself. It’s likely that other people will be affected by this change too, so talk to them, share your thoughts and emotions. It’s also great to talk to someone completely unaffected as they can be completely neutral and help you work through your thought & decision making processes.

If you’re struggling with change right now then do look into have some coaching sessions. They’re a wonderful way of sorting through what’s going on and helping you move forward in the direction you want to go, making the most of the opportunity the change is giving you,

No two people are the same, so there’s no one fix solution. I offer a free, no-obligation introductory call where we can chat over how coaching could help you. If you have any questions, then do get in touch, I’d love to hear from you.