Do the Stories We Love Shape Us – or Do We Shape Them?

I’ve always been fascinated by the power of stories.

Not the ones we tell each other over coffee, or the ones we carry in our own journals, but the big ones, the kind you lose yourself in on screen or in a book. The stories that transport you to another world, make you laugh, cry and see life a little differently when the credits roll or you close the page and those that stay with you long after that.

I've always loved writing and my ambition is to have a book published one day - but at the moment I'm just enjoying the craft, the world-building, the character development and the adventures.

One of the things I've been thinking about recently, is what makes a story, a world, a character, one that I love? Which ones stay with me? What keeps me going back?

Whilst I’ve looked at a lot of books, I’ve also looked at the TV shows and films that I go back to time and time again and it was in looking at these that I realised something.

Much of what I love about these stories is how they demonstrate my own values - loyalty, trust, connection, integrity and that these already show up in the work I do in coaching and with my memberships.

Let me explain…

Some of my all-time favourites are BBC’s Merlin, Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, M*A*S*H, The Lord of the Rings trilogy (as my co-working group realised this week, this is a specialist subject of mine) and Once Upon A Time.

On the surface, they’re wildly different. Fantasy, sci-fi, war satire, epic quest and retold fairytales. Yet when I look at them closely, they all circle around the same values: friendship, trust, loyalty, community, courage, humour, integrity, growth and the importance of leaning into your own strengths.

The more I think about it, the more I see how these stories haven’t just entertained me, they’ve shaped me. They’ve influenced how I see the world, how I work and even the memberships I’ve created.

But it raises an interesting question: do the stories we love shape us, or do we simply gravitate towards the ones that reflect who we already are? Do I love these shows because I see myself in them? Or have I become what I am because I love them? Maybe, as I’ve come to believe, it’s both.

Belonging by Choice

Every single one of these stories has a strong “found family” at its core.

Merlin isn’t just Arthur’s servant, he becomes his most trusted companion. In Stargate, an astrophysicist, an air force colonel, an archaeologist and an alien become a family, forged through facing dangers that few others can understand. In M*A*S*H, the surgeons, nurses and staff create bonds that keep them going despite the horrors around them. In The Lord of the Rings, the Fellowship is literally formed to carry a burden that no one person could bear alone.

Even Once Upon A Time shows how families can be chosen. From Emma learning to open herself up to connection, to Regina finding love and purpose outside of her “Evil Queen” identity, these stories remind us that family isn’t only about blood, it’s about the people who see us, support us and stand beside us.

That theme runs deeply through my work too. In both Project Sparkle and The Coaching Circle, community is everything. Members come together to support each other, to remind one another that they’re not alone and to celebrate even the smallest wins. Just like in the stories, the power isn’t in going it alone, it’s in walking the road together.

Collaboration and Strengths

Another thread that connects all of these stories is how much they depend on collaboration.

Merlin’s magic might be powerful on its own, but it finds purpose in supporting Arthur’s leadership and Arthur’s leadership wouldn’t survive long without Merlin’s quiet interventions. They are two sides of the same coin, one only flourishing because of the other.

In Stargate Atlantis, Rodney McKay’s brilliant (if sometimes arrogant) science saves lives again and again, but it’s balanced by John Sheppard’s courage and Teyla’s wisdom, without each of them the problem couldn’t be solved.

In The Lord of the Rings: where would Frodo be without Sam, or Legolas without Gimli, or Aragorn without Gandalf? Each member of the Fellowship brings something unique and their success relies on those strengths being valued.

This is something I see reflected in my coaching and memberships. I don’t believe in one-size-fits-all productivity or self-care. I believe in helping people find their way, to lean into their strengths, trust what works for them and stop trying to be everything all at once. Just like in these stories, it’s about knowing where your power lies and letting others support you in the rest.

Courage in Uncertainty

If there’s one lesson every single one of these shows teaches, it’s that courage isn’t about being fearless, it’s about stepping forward even when you don’t know what comes next.

Despite being the ‘once and future king’ and Camelot’s strongest warrior, Arthur is riddled with self-doubt. SG-1 often step through the Stargate without knowing what’s waiting for them on the other side. The surgeons in M*A*S*H never know what the next helicopter will bring, or how they’ll make it through another gruelling day. In Once Upon a Time, Emma doesn’t step into her role as the Saviour with a clear manual, she has to grow into it, make mistakes, and learn to trust herself. Across all these stories, courage isn’t about certainty. It’s about showing up, even in the face of doubt and not knowing what comes next.”

This is something I see mirrored in my clients and members too. Taking a step towards change often comes with uncertainty, whether it’s changing jobs, starting a business, carving out time just for themselves, or finally tackling that long-put-off project. None of these things come with clear instructions or definite outcomes.

Yet courage is found in the small steps, in blocking out that hour, sending off that application, or showing up for yourself even when the path ahead isn’t fully clear.

Inner Compass & Doing What’s Right

Integrity and making choices aligned with one’s values are central themes in every story I love. What draws me in isn’t the easy victories, but the moments when characters have to wrestle with what the right thing is — even when it costs them.

Arthur constantly struggles with the balance between what’s best for Camelot and what he personally believes. His leadership is tested not when things are simple, but when he has to make hard choices that might cost him loyalty, safety, or even his crown. And Merlin, for all his secrets, carries his own quiet burden: using his magic not for glory, but for protection, even when it means hiding the truth about who he is.

The surgeons in M*A*S*H live this tension daily. They can’t stop the war, but they can decide how they treat the people in front of them. In one unforgettable moment, they alter the official time of death for a soldier so that his family won’t have to live with the pain of Christmas Day being the anniversary. It’s a small bending of the rules in service of kindness — morality grounded in compassion.

In Once Upon A Time, characters like Regina and Killian embody this struggle most clearly. Both begin on darker paths, defined by vengeance or selfishness, but their journeys are about finding their way back to their inner compass. They show that doing the right thing isn’t always straightforward — it can mean unlearning, rebuilding, and choosing redemption again and again.

Even Stargate is full of these moments. SG-1 and the Atlantis teams regularly face ethical dilemmas: Do you intervene in a civilisation’s struggles, or do you leave them to their fate? Do you risk your own people to protect others? How many people is it right to risk in order to fulfil their mantra ‘we don’t leave people behind?’ Their choices remind us that morality isn’t always about the easy answer, but about showing up with integrity, weighing the costs and being willing to stand by the decision.

And then there’s Samwise Gamgee, who might embody this value more than anyone else. His compass is so clear and steady that it pulls Frodo back from the brink. Sam doesn’t ask what’s easiest; he asks what’s right and then he acts, even when the burden is heavy.

For me, these stories are reminders that morality isn’t about being perfect. It’s about finding that steady thread of “what matters most” and following it, even when the path is muddy, lonely, or hard to explain.

In my coaching, this translates to helping clients act in alignment with their own “inner compass.” It’s about making decisions that feel right, even when they are hard and learning to trust that ethical foundation to guide the next step.

Growth, Transformation, and Rewriting Your Story

What keeps me returning to these stories is how much the characters grow and change.

Through trial, mistakes and persistence, Merlin transforms from an unsure young man with gifts he doesn’t fully understand into someone confident not only in his talents but in the purpose behind them.

Through loyalty, hardship and carrying far more than he ever thought he could, Samwise transforms from a humble gardener into the steady heart of Middle Earth’s salvation, someone who proves to himself as well as to us, that quiet strength is just as vital as any sword or crown.

Once Upon A Time, takes growth and transformation one step further. Characters like Regina and Killian are given the chance to rewrite their endings. To choose a different path, step out of old labels and redefine who they are, shaped by their past but not trapped by it.

The idea of rewriting your story resonates deeply with me and with the women I work with. So many of us reach points in life where we feel stuck in a role (mother, daughter, carer, worker) and forget who we are outside of those labels. These stories remind us that identity isn’t fixed. We can change, grow and rediscover ourselves.

And isn’t that the heart of coaching too? Creating the space to step out of old narratives and write a new chapter.

Humour and Humanity

One of the reasons M*A*S*H is so enduring is because it shows how humour can carry us through the hardest times. Laughter doesn’t erase the difficulty, but it connects people, keeps them human and allows them to keep going.

The same goes for Merlin’s cheeky banter, the sarcastic wit of Stargate, or the light-hearted rivalry between Legolas and Gimli. Even in Once Upon a Time, humour shows up in Rumpelstiltskin’s darkly comic quips or Hook’s sharp one-liners, cutting through tension and reminding us that even in the darkest moments, joy is vital and a smile goes a long way.

Productivity and self-care don’t have to be heavy or overly serious. There’s space for play, for lightness, for sparkly little moments that make the journey enjoyable. That’s why those who can, join early for co-working so we can chat, share stories and giggle together. Life is already serious enough. We all do so much better if we allow ourselves time to laugh and have fun.

Writing, Storytelling, and My Work

My love of these stories isn’t separate from my love of writing. For me, writing fiction is another way of exploring these same themes: friendship, loyalty, courage, transformation, community. When I write, I’m building worlds where those values matter, just like the ones I’ve loved on screen and page.

And when I coach, I see the same storytelling thread. My members and clients are writing their own stories, sometimes after feeling lost in someone else’s narrative for too long. Helping them reconnect with their own voice, their own plot, their own sparkle… that’s the most rewarding part.

Stories as Mirrors and Maps

So back to the question: do the stories we love shape us, or do we love them because they reflect who we already are?

I think it’s both.

They’re mirrors, reflecting the values and truths we already hold inside but they’re also maps, pointing us towards who we want to be and how we want to live. They quietly show us the importance of community, of leaning into strengths, of finding courage in uncertainty, of rewriting our stories and of holding onto joy along the way.

For me, the stories I’ve carried with me haven’t just been entertainment. They’ve been quiet teachers. They’ve influenced how I write, how I work and the communities I’ve built.

And maybe that’s the magic of storytelling: it doesn’t just pass the time. It shapes us, sustains us and gives us the courage to write our own next chapter.